The new year is here, which means it's time for resolutions—and yes, that includes the sex department, too. Why focus on change or limitation when you can boost your happiness by doing more for yourself in the bedroom? Get intimate with your partner more often and make the sex you're already having even better with our tips below!
1. Redefine what sex means to you
When you think of “sex,” does intercourse come to mind? You’re not alone. But vaginal penetration is far from the only activity that brings pleasure and builds deeper intimacy with your partner. We might even go so far as to say it’s not the best way to do it, either. Consider the many ways this laser focus on intercourse leads to routine sex that might not be all that pleasurable. For example, it might start with a kiss, move on to oral, and end with penetration, the end of which is marked by ejaculation, whether you’ve cum or gotten some satisfaction. Because intercourse is considered the highest element of sex, everything else is relegated to foreplay, even though oral and manual stimulation are precisely what many women need to have better sex or more orgasms. This lackluster effort may even be a step up from no foreplay at all.
The answer to all of this is simply a change in attitude. Think beyond intercourse, genitals, and orgasm. Instead, focus on connecting and exploring with your partner or even alone. Why fall into the same routine when you can start, end, and pick up again in different ways? Redefining sex opens you up to all kinds of new experiences and pleasures.
2. Talk about it
Somehow we've gotten to this point where many people are having sex without ever really talking about it. They haven't discussed their hottest fantasies or preferences with their partners, especially those women who are often taught not to rock the boat. But if you want to have great sex now and make sure it keeps getting better, you need to talk about it!
Talking about sex doesn't have to be a big deal. Start by saying what feels good ( moaning can make sex better for both of you ) or asking for adjustments in bed. Something as small as "Softer" can make a big difference! Talking about the things you like about sex with your partner can help make it happen more often, and also get your motor running.
When discussing room for improvement, choose a neutral time and place that is low-stress. During or right after intimacy are usually not the best times. Remember to emphasize that you care about your partner and want to build even more intimacy. The fact that you feel safe allows you to discuss your needs. Then, you can suggest some things you want to try. Remember to be open to your partner's needs and fantasies in return. After all, sex is about both of you.
3. Prioritize sex
We could have easily told you to schedule sex, but many people resist the idea because it's not appealing. Perhaps that's why it remains one of the most necessary sex tips for women. Still, scheduled sex is better than not having sex because life got in the way. Setting aside this time to be with your partner shows that intimacy is a priority.
Keep in mind that scheduling sex doesn't mean you jump into bed at the same time every week. Instead, set aside time to connect with your partner and enjoy some alone time. If you have sex, great, if not, that's okay too. The time we spend together is what matters.
4. Accept yourself
Ask almost any woman how she feels about her body, and you're likely to hear some intense criticism, much of which isn't rooted in reality. No one is perfect, and bodies change. Even if you feel like your best days are behind you, your lover still appreciates and desires your body. Next time you get naked, remember to appreciate all that your body does for you, and look at yourself with a softer gaze.
Doing this will help you open up and enjoy the moment instead of constantly monitoring yourself. If you need a confidence boost, focus more on sensations than anxious thoughts. Remember to include your sense of taste, smell, and hearing, too. Sex isn't just about what you feel and see!
5. Learn to stay excited
getting turned on Two of the most beneficial sex tips from Dr. Emily Nagoski's book on women's sex drive are about women with different libidos and different types of triggers.
Most women who have a libido need something to respond to, which is precisely why you may not want sex out of the blue, even if you enjoy sex after it starts. Instead, you need to trigger your desire with the right sensations, emotions, thoughts, and means, to name a few things. Find out what makes you want sex and how to add it to your life. If you're not sure, check out sensual health products that can boost your libido like our LubriLove for increased pleasure.
The book also discusses how women's desire is turned off much more easily. It doesn't matter how many sexy triggers you create when you're surrounded by those things that turn you off. Everything from body image, chores, stress at work, and relationship issues make it harder to get turned on. Find ways to take the brakes off where you can, and cope with the ones you can't. Meditation, mindfulness, therapy, or even a relaxing massage can help with that.
To learn more ways to improve your sex life and feel more comfortable with intimacy, visit Vagy Rejuvenation .